


it'll be ok

by Ihateyouandyourmum



Category: Night In The Woods (Video Game)
Genre: Mental Health Issues, Might continue?, Panic Attacks, bea is an amazing friend, bea is there to help, idk - Freeform, mae gets panicky about leaving college, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 06:08:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17258972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihateyouandyourmum/pseuds/Ihateyouandyourmum
Summary: Mae is panicking about people hating her because of what she did in high school and her leaving college. but she keeps bottling it up until she finally exploded and Bea is there to pick up the pieces.





	1. Chapter 1

It was suffocating, all of it was, her chest tightened, like her bones were bending in around her lungs and squeezing them until it was hard to breathe and she felt dizzy.

_“The first Borowski to go to college”_

She couldn’t do it, she couldn’t do the thing everyone had been planning for her whole life, and here she was, back home, her mum was angry at her and she couldn’t tell her why she did it. why she gave up the chance of a lifetime. They were in financial trouble because of her, they could lose the house, she could lose everything she cared about. She had _failed_. And it was unbearable.

She couldn't stop her hands shaking, quivering in harmony to the sobs that racked her body, pulling her further into the abyss that was her mind. _Maybe she was going mad. Maybe that’s what she did in high school. Maybe that’s what happened in college. she went mad.  
_

The fun thing about going mad is that you can’t tell people, it’s terrifying really, if you tell someone will they push you away? Will they laugh and say same and not understand that on the inside you’re collapsing and splitting at the seams with no hope of coming back? There’s no way out of going mad, everything is shapes, everything is shapes _, everything is shapes_. _Does that make me a shape? Is this even real, how do you know this is all real? How do I know I’m real!?_

And that’s how Mae Borowski ended up in front of the ol pickaxe, hands shaking, on the verge of a full mental breakdown, and clinging to anything in her life that still felt real, Bea. She couldn’t go to Gregg, they did fun stuff together, she was meant to be his fall back, he and his own troubles, insecurities, problems, so did Bea but.

_It was too late to think about that now._

“Mae are you ok?” the sound of her old friend. They used to be really close before high school, I wonder what happened, _probably my fault_ , they were getting close again now. Though Mae would still see that Bea was resentful of her, she got to go to college, she got to live Bea's dream and she threw it away because “things happen”, how hard would it have been to get out of bed, stop locking herself in, make some friends, go to classes, but in her head she knew all that was impossible. _Everything is shapes_.

“I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t k-know” her voice didn’t sound like her own, for once she was glad that Bea’s other co-worker wasn’t here. She didn’t want more rumours, more rumours about “the killer”

“Sh, it’s OK” vaguely she heard the flicking of the open sign on the door changed to closed. “Come on sit down, can you tell me what’s wrong?” Bea’s words held no anger like she had expected, she closed the shop for me even though she needs the money, it was like her mother’s voice when she was younger, like she was a kid but maybe that was what she needed right now. Maybe that’s why she came back.

“I’m such a screw up, I ruined everyone’s plans, I was meant to be the first in my family to go to college, I was meant to get somewhere, _I was meant to be something_. But I couldn’t! I’m so fed up of being anxious all the time, and nothing feels real, and I don’t even know if I’m real anymore. And _I feel like I’m going mad_. And there’s no way out. And even you’re mad at me, and I just can’t do this anymore!” her words jumbled, shoulders bobbling up and down erratically as she bent herself into Bea’s chest. It was like she exploded, all the things shed been holding back, coming forwards. Her breathing was erratic and quick now too, leading Bea to pull her further into her chest and put her arms around her as she feared the lack of oxygen would leave her unsteady and hurting herself more.

“Right Mae, I need you to breathe with me, is that OK?” she began to breathe in and out, breathe in for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8. At first it was hard, and then it got easier, and soon Mae was breathing fine again, but still quite shaky and couldn’t stand, and looked extremely tired. Bea decided that the best course of action would be to get her rested first and then deal with whatever caused the breakdown but from what Mae had stuttered out she thinks she already knew.

Mae was quite light, too light, Bea would have to check on that later too, but it made her easy to carry. “Mae where should I take you?” Bea wasn’t really expecting an answer, and Mae seemed too zoned out to care but seeing as she felt like she had disappointed her parents she decided that maybe taking her home wasn’t the best of choices, and so carried her back to the Santello apartments, her dad probably wouldn’t bother with them anyway, he didn’t really bother with anything these days.

Bea put her down on the bed, lightly tucking her sheets over her.

“hey beabea?” the small, half asleep cat in front of her asked, leading to a small smile forming at the edge of her mouth.

“Yeah mayday?” the smile was echoed onto her counterpart.

“I’m really sorry, about everything, I should have been a better friend to you, all those years ago but… but I don’t know… everything was so hard… and it still is… and maybe if I’d just been able to…”

“Shh, Mae its ok, just get some rest and we can talk about it when you wake up, and I don’t hate you, yeah in the past you’ve done some terrible things. To me and to others but… I know that’s not who you are, and we have all the time in the world to fix this OK?”

“O-ok…” Mae’s eyes finally drifted to close.

Despite what Mae may think Bea had never hated her, sure at moments she had been angry, but especially after her mother passed away, having to see her father breakdown, and then mental health issues he still suffered with, Bea could see the other end of the stick too. Maybe Bea should have realised back then. The reason Mae left college, the reason she came back, her actions in high school, weren’t necessarily her fault. That the way her brain worked, the way it made her act, like she was going mad, wasn’t her fault and how Mae bust have felt alone in that…

Bea was determined not to leave her friend to suffer like that again.

“Goodnight mayday,”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woop im probably going to make this a series. im MOTIVATED. for once. stay tuned.

When Mae opened her eyes the first thing she saw was Bea, standing about a meter away and holding a cup of hot chocolate. as soon as Bea saw she was awake she pulled herself onto the bed next to her, passing her a cup of hot chocolate too before pulling her into a warm embrace at her side that made Mae feel drowsy again.

 

“Hey mayday, before you fall asleep again can we have a talk?” Bea’s voice was so warm, Mae didn’t know how she did it but it was always somehow calming to hear the voice of her oldest friend, and it made her subconsciously lean more into her warmness. Many people think Bea is a cold person, Mae had always known differently and her actions earlier in the day definitely showed it.

 

“w-what do you want to talk about?” may could almost slap herself for the nervous stutter in her voice. She knows Bea heard it, but obviously instead of bringing it up had decided to pull her friend in slightly more, if that was possible.

 

“Why did you drop out of college?” it wasn’t like she hadn’t expected that question really, everyone seemed to want to know, but Bea might be the only person she was willing to tell.

 

“N-nothing felt r-real anymore, like I wa-wasn’t real, and nothing else was real, and I felt so far away, and a-alone, and I didn’t know what to do anymore. I was so scared and I had no one to turn to. I felt like I was going mad? And I locked myself away, and I couldn’t eat, let alone do my classes, it felt like I was being strangled all the time. And I came back here hoping it would get a bit better but everything’s changed and it’s getting worse again and I j-just…”

 

_So that explains the weight loss. And… everything else really._

“Sh-sh, Mae its ok, take a deep breathe or you’re going to have another panic attack. Its ok, we’re going to get you the help you need ok, we can fix this, just breathe,”

 

The young cats body was being wracked with sobs once again, now hooked in between Beas arms like Mae was a baby, her head been being softly stroked by the younger adult, she basically was a child terms of maturity, all Bea knew was that she needed someone right now, and that someone had to be her.

 

“When did this start?”

 

“it was in high school, when I attacked Andy Cullen, god all of high school is a blur, I just kept zoning in and out and I forgot things and id ruin things, I’d do crimes with Gregg just to make myself feel better but id end up making things worse.  Just like I did with you… and I felt like I couldn’t talk to Gregg about it, and I didn’t have you anymore. God”

 

_That made sense too._

It was weird really, seeing this side to Mae, the meanings behind the actions, not that Bea had seen Mae has a 2 dimensional human as Mae seemed to see others that she wasn’t close to but, like all these actions she had been so angry about, couldn’t understand, weren’t black and white. Behind the scenes it wasn’t just her suffering and her suffering wasn’t just in spite, Mae had been suffering too and that had been her way to make it feel better even if only for a second.

 

By the time Bea had finished this thought, Mae had already drifted back to sleep in her arms, Bea smirked looking down at the girl. She had a job to do.

 

* * *

 

 

The next time Mae woke up she was greeted by the sight of Gregg and Angus, perched against another of Bea’s walls, also sipping on hot chocolate, while Gregg stared at her quite intensely.

 

 “o-oh, hi guys w-what are you doing h-here?” seems the stutter had not gone away in her second nap.

“I told them a bit about what happened earlier and they both decided to come over,”

 

“So um, Mae” Angus began, only to be interrupted by his boyfriend. Bea, sensing Mae’s anxiety at the situation, after shutting her friends out for so long and now having to dramatically let them all back in, pulled her back into an embrace. Smiling as her friend seemed to relax slightly under her touch.

 

“I know you’ve felt like you weren’t able to talk to us in the past but…” _shit._ “I just wanted you to know that we’re always here for you, me and angus, I can’t say I know what you’re going through but… damn I’m bad at this… me, angus and Bea have all decided we’re going to try our hardest to get you some proper help, and we’re here for you too if you need us”

 

Angus had moved behind Gregg, rubbing circles around his back to calm his nerves. Ever since Gregg had got the phone call from Bea earlier he had been beating himself up over it. Gregg had always known something was up with Mae, especially in high school, and he had just let it carry on, and when she was in college he hadn’t thought to check up on her, and make sure she was ok. He could have done thing. _He should have done something_.

 

“t-thank you Gregg, sorry I’ve never really been open with y-you, I just always wanted to be your fun friend and s-someone you could rely on. And…”

 

Gregg launched himself forward, pulling Mae into one of his famous hugs, leaving Bea rolling her eyes behind the two, _how did I end up friends with these idiots,_ before looking up at Angus, who seemed to be looking at the two with the same affection.

 

“Now we’re done being sappy, how about we do some cheer up band practice! If you’re up to it that is Mae?”

 

“YEAH!” Mae was obviously already pulling back to her usual loud self, or faking it, Bea couldn’t tell but even her ability to fake it was a step up from earlier.

 

“We’ll play a song you actually know this time,”

 

“Aw but that takes away the fun”

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this as a vent fic because i majorly relate to mae, especially with her dissociation(?) and how she acts recknlessly as a coping mechansim but it ends up getting her in deeper shit (not that i go round doing crimes lol)  
> anyway i dont know if i should continue this? i was thinking of making mae and bea talk a bit more about mae leavin college and why she did it and then have bae call over gregg and angus so they can all have a good bond and be supportive and learn to help mae through some of her issues instead of shutting people out and then having band practice as a kind of coping mechanism for mae but im lowkey very lazy.  
> if anyone wants that tho plz say and ill write it up!


End file.
